She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
