we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
