ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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