We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
