I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
