I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
