apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
