Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
