I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
