so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
