i think i have two assholes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
