So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
