cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
