I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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