herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize