if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
