I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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