I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
