I'd wear matching sweaters with you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
