Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
