hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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