WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
