Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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