I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
