Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i drank out of a bidet.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
