I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
