I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
