there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
