There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
