I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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