A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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