i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
