Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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