I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
