You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
