So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
