Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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