We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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