No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
