that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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