he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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