we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
