his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize