i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
