she was so not down for the gang bang
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
