dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
