Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
