A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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