You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
