Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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