she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
