You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dicks are not precious.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
