if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
