Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
