Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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