so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
