I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
