You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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