My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
