well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
