then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
