remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
