Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
