As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
