The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
