ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
