When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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