Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
