just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You're like the curious george of whores
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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